Have you ever sat back and noticed the ultimate futility of most arguments you have? Do you know people who must always be right, no matter what the topic? It’s an easy habit to form, feeding the voracious egos need for self-validation. This habit was a deeply ingrained pattern for me for much of my earlier life, but I am happy to report that it’s becoming less and less a feature. The more conscious I become of my thoughts and feelings in the present, the easier it is to spot it and let go. And what a relief this is! Passionately arguing why the film you like is better than another, why your preferred brand is the best, or over who is responsible for the spill in the kitchen… it seems ridiculous when read outside of any real situation, but it’s so easy to find yourself wrapped up in a countless variety of arguments over the inconsequential…
Sure, make your case on points that are or real importance, things where changing minds can make a real difference. You’ll know when these occasions arise, as they are so rare, and stir your true passions. But the reality is, 95% of arguments are over relative trivialities, often with people who you care about.
The trivial point that you are compelled to make is not important. The relationship with the person that you are trying to make it to is!
Surrender in these matters is empowering. When your resistance drops, the person that so adamantly held the other position will often realise the ridiculousness of the argument too, and your relationship can grow stronger. If not, that’s OK too, let them have their small victory… They probably need it more than you.
This post first appeared on simonboylan.com
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